The mental breakdown.

Yes yes, we all knew it would happen. The question was, When? Answer: two weeks ago.

Why did I not blog about it then? I was too busy having an anxiety attack, thankyouverymuch.

It really seemed for quite awhile that everything had gotten away from me. It's totally ridiculous to think that breaking an ankle could lead to some depression, but it totally happens and it definitely happened to me.

While all this craziness with the ankle was going on, the rest of the world kept turning even as I couldn't move. I had to stop working on a project for work which had finally reached it's apex (I had to miss the actual transplant for a liver patient I had been following) and no matter what I said or who I begged they were not going to let me in that OR with a cast up to my thigh. I also had been a union member at my new job for exactly two days when I broke my ankle, so I wasn't sure if I was going to get the disability benefits I was told I was entitled to. Also, as if all that wasn't enough, Jason and I had to move, didn't have a place to move into and I couldn't see places since I was in NY on drugs.

Of course, in the end, it all worked out. That's not to say it wasn't stressful. A colleague of mine volunteered to shoot the surgery, so even though I didn't get to go it will be included in the story. And even though the story after the surgery won't be as complete as I had hoped, it will still be told. I ended up getting my disability, although they waited a whole month to pay me, so that was interesting. And Jason busted his ass looking at apartments, trying to find one I wouldn't hate, and ended up renting a really great one bedroom place in Greenwich. It also helps that I'm now allowed to drive and I'm not puking constantly. It's nice to be both independent and not repulsive.

Now that I can breathe again, I can say there is always light at the end of the darkness. It is, however, both interesting and terrifying that it can be so easy for us to slip into a place that isn't so good. I found that when my life came to a screeching halt and the world kept turning it was very hard for me to get out of the funk.

*This post dedicated to Jaxon, who listened to me at the height of my mental breakdown. Sorry for the sobbing. I'm good now.